20080531
wow bintan was damn awesome :D elab another time! but do refer to
amanda's if you may, she's already done all the posting, that efficient girl. HAHA anyway tmr im off for primers LDC camp, four days and minimal phone usage allowed.
packing sucks. camp should be fun! okay time to shower and pray bye! :)
20080520
ah well. a QT revival, from Psalms 39-40, then 26-30! :) I'm reading the psalms this week, and effecting my theory that life without devotionals is a life more real in God! because you dont get overly reliant on the devos - you simply open the Bible, read and meditate, and seek God wholeheartedly. no prereqs :D but of course, devos give you some direction and often, deep thoughts to think over yourself. works both ways!
and today im really happy! cos i now know what fireAC truly is meant to be! and i can look past all the sins ive sadly committed in the past 2 weeks, and just try to move as far as i can from them. running from the dragon's fire, i'd say? yeah.
ldc pre-camp was awesome. so i know camp and wow are gonna be rocking! :D it went really well, kudos to the entire team who spearheaded it... and well, about wow, 5.14 aint gg to china anymore, we're going to bintan with guess who! 5.5 deuteronomy! :D hahaha i tell you, life has some fun flirty fate to it, sometimes! thanks to the sichuan earthquake
i hope the pandas are okay! like i cant find my old (since i was 6) panda toy anymore! it was from shanghai and some shop in the middle of a HUGE tulip garden. HOHO (: okay anyway back to econs video aef form, AMANDA SUN! (on msn) and hm. life! my QTTT oink
oh and! to end off, a damn funny prayer, but one that certainly encouraged me:
(11:33 PM) 'neth: Dear God,
i'd like to pray for this silly woman here.
God, honestly I don't really know what to pray for,
but I ask that you continue to grant her strength, hope, and joy.
Lord whatever it is that's preventing genuine communion with you, I pray that you remove it,
in Jesus' name.
I pray that you grant her strength, carrying her through the difficult times,
and when the going seems to get so tough
(11:33 PM) 'neth: .
be her strength when she is weak
be the treasure that she seeks.
be her all in all (:
God I know You love her dearly.
help her to feel that love daily.
hug her so tight that she suffocates to death.
(11:35 PM) Jc. (:: you know when they say prayer. they mean without insults...
(11:35 PM) 'neth: but finds a new life in you (
)
help her help her friends,
to be a blessing to those around, just as your son Jesus demonstrated for us.
draw her closer and closer to You each day,
deeper and deeper in love.
All this I pray through Christ Jesus,
Amen
20080518
dinner tonight with
the family was fricking awesome. i suddenly have a much clearer view on what to do with the rest of IB and my life in general! (: oh and how to bring myself back to God, which is even better. kudos partially to a spot of encouragement received through msn prayer last night *however insulting some parts were*
and as usual, the main outlet of inspiration/hope/clarity of thought came from the same... powerfully influential source, one that has been there for almost 2 years now :D
happy birthday lynette darling! :P
20080516
emo post, emo post :/ we just had group four the whole day and a looonggg bb mtg. well actually those were perfectly fine, quite fun and silly in general (: kim aq and joash for grp four. and a ton of fellow bb people, which made our lab the coolest HAH. so there's a big report coming up...
oh well. qt and spiritual life are currently so dead they dont even have a quick burial but a hectic shelving and trying to look as though everything's alright but really it isnt. its almost at a two week count now, that i havent been doing QT properly, on-off, on-off. i still love worship songs, they're the ones holding it all together.
then there was john, who tried talking to leb and i a couple days back. he hit the question on its head :/ and its not a deadened spirit thing, its not a lack of fire thing. in fact its directly the opposite - yet the biggest problem is that i just feel there's sthg in the way. sthg in the middle of it all. sthg thats big and blocks me out from communicating properly w God at this most important time ): its no fun at all.
and bong did ask me sthg recently. a question that made me realise w a nasty stab of shock. almost hypocritically, and unfortunately so, i find myself sliding backwards into the dark abyss of a very old past. its not glorious; its the old habits, the old stumbling blocks coming back to haunt again. among these was one which i did recently, sthg i surprisingly find myself not regretting. in fact i guiltily admit i actually had lots of fun engaging in it, and thinking of it, there's no guarantee i wont repeat it again next time.
yet in the Bible, it is most clearly a sin ): so its wrong, and im still doing it. and still not looking on it repentfully. and perhaps its part of this that stops me from doing what i should, by all rights, be doing. also its not just other friends who've realised - i know my attendance at fireAC, outreach, sat prayers... is slackening. horribly. its not always waking up late. its just a strong feeling of absolute hypocrisy. i dno
there's programs to do next week :/ hopefully it'll be the Rock that i found myself pondering over, ref: Psalms 39-40? hmmmm. i dno abt this either? and not abt some of my closest circle either. just watching everyone fall and only some picking themselves up (thank God :D). the others... recovering, or not. and two among these, i find esp saddening :/
just uber thankful for things like WOW and LDC. to be able to rock on the beach w 5.14 and even 5.5 (!) ... just not think abt all the crap that comes w the sch week. and and the plus of LDC? at least one whom i wish to avoid wont be there at all. cos im completely sick of it and ive no idea how to repair the wrongs i did anymore. except maybe write a long letter of sincere apology, even before *your* birthday. and then maybe this whole cold-shoulder thing is just another reason for the lack and sorry state of QT.
so those two little holiday breaks from work? a break away from a lot of other things. looking forward to these and more! packing and pre-WOW shopping w manda, perhaps? :D pity yknowho wont be coming for dinner after pre-camp tmr. i was so looking forward to it.
im just thankful for outlets and the best ever girlfrs like manda, pet, zhuoer. thankful for the cute little emails from manda, and the encouraging notes from pet, sam, neth, etc :) we're all pillars for one another, ultimately i find. and just hope it'll stay this way. and so glad too for 5.14 who is truly the bomb class! i dno what IB would be like in any other class.
***
anyways! manda's birthday just went past :D and it was truly rocking! the best i'd ever had in like ages (: just a marvelous time to socialise, take the pours, rock, chill, dance/sing and be girls. photos galore on Facebook, as prob half our flist realised by now... lol it was damn awesome :D
again, cant wait for a break. a real break. studying for middies after would be just...sad? :/
i find it ironic that the friend i'd offload on is the one painfully lost a long long time ago
20080508
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANDY-SUNFISH! :D
okay feeling loads happier this day :D but im still in need of waking my QT up from its week-deep slumber. ashamedly, its partially due to an over-reliance on my EDWJ devotionals. but then i remind myself, my faith is surrendered to God, not a
book that talks about God. so i need time to sit down and read the Bible, ponder over life. contemplate life? :)
well if you could make sense of what i just said up there... heh! uh oh yea i got my EE topic settled, supposed to be doing research on honey now but eeek! other things distract. east, west for one :/
i know my QT can move past this time well and alive. if it cant survive year 5 semester one, how about two? how about next year, when life apparently grabs you by the hair and tosses you up and down like a rubber ducky? :/
on another note, people humour me. left the lighter (a not-as-ominous-as-it-sounds prop from keson's mini-speech today) on my desk and shooed off for chem. came back later to find a note tacked to it:
what is this lighter doing on your table? whatever it is...its not the way out=P
i took one look and burst out giggling :) finally, which insane person leaves their laptop charger in sch?? lucky ive an asus laptop charger that matches my acer
oooh gossip girls xoxo! <3
20080506
ahhh. its been a long time, a really really long time since ive felt highly combustible aka explosive each time i'd open my mouth the slightest bit
therefore my heartfelt apologies to all those affected today: mom elli dan zhuoer pet toh etcetc :/ esp for those i actually raised my voice aka yelled at... specifically mom and elli oops T_T ugh bad very bad.
omg i wont let ______ affect me, no i wont. just wish these remaining 12 days would hurry up and pass by :/
im so glad for mandy's GNI is coming (: therapeutic. and the setting up of our precious GGUC!
20080505
rawr my head is splitting apart upon my shoulders
>< not cos of investiture. invest was fun! mandy and i perused a veryvery old copy of ELLE (usa version) and sought out our dear charlotte koh in the crowd. maybe i killed my brain by repeatedly squealing: i dont
see her!!
but just plain late nights or sthg i guess? no, no, not investiture. they looked really pretty smart in their outfits/suits anyhows. and then math SL class was nap time until desmond yap kept rapping on my desk and he seemed a bit annoyed o.o so i forced my eyes open.
afterwards snapped at a couple seniors rather rudely in response to teasing because my head
really couldnt take it. the headache that is :)
ohwell. hopefully i didnt unaware-dly insult or offend anyone today! okay so today was a series of horrible and somewhat unfortunate events:
#1 it all began with chem lab!
... a lizard appeared on the floor and we girls squealed a little. so much so ben tried shoving it and it went under fengfei (i think it was him) and he didnt really realise? so the chair went OVER the lizard and out came its disgusting guts. blood on lab floor... alert! :/ yuckz
venthan: just another lost soul (!!)
#2 mandy and her cheesecake
bought cheesecakes from ben (again) and saw alvin tan coming down the corridor. so yours truly thought he was mandy's teacher and decided to take the chance to dash into 5.13, pass her the cake and run out again! so...
me: *bouncing into classroom* hi where's mandy?! cheesecakeeeee! :D
someone: there...
chirnside: excuse me! *rattles on, i lost concentration from sheer shock on seeing him*
!@#^&*~
#3 innocent until charged
walked straight into class, heard shouts of mortified horror and dashed out again.
now, we just finished post-PE break, and the guys usu take the liberty of domineering the classroom to change. the rest... well, do the math! yikes
what a lovely day huh?
20080504
ooh im inspired to start writing more in this place than a very short while ago (: its something like QT in its own gossipy way, this whole blogging thing. not meaning it scandalously, nahhh. but if you feel inadequate and just completely dry (spiritually), you wind up skipping QT (however bad this is, pls do not follow kthx). AND well, like me ive been so wound around and strung out i had no motivation to blog at all...till now.
so yeah i'll be back more often. probably increasingly so as life gets more and more IB-ish. like when EE topics and TOK questions are finally released. disgusting :/ oh i got joogal kishore as my supervisor did i mention? then i realised william lai
did take year 5s. im so disgusted w myself ): nehmind kishore is kool! alliteration
ohmygosh i realised just how much IB is a foreign dude in the A levels-ridden world of Singapore. yesterday we had a sit-down dinner (of steak and potatoes, yummm) at uncle richard's.
anthea's mom: jayne, what school are you in now?
me: uhh anglochineseschool independent
anthea's mom: *tentative pause* ... isnt that a ... boys' school?
o.o blehhh. things happen. ohwell i also realised how insanely fat im becoming after pigging on multiple prata bombs and waffles in sch :/ like i can barely fit in my jeans anymore?? freaking disgusting. so today i went to the gym. feel so much better now :)
omgosh i dont think i can do standing broad jump tmr. its scary, how some guys just swing and leap-sail through the air like a grasshopper to the end of the mat? like they have elastic springs for legs. ew.
need need need NEED
NEED to go out more to shop and all that? realised that when alena and i went out the other day. settlers' was good fun, after that mandy came along to holland v as well and we gossiped so much. said hi to toh then went home. and i actually felt
happy and
accomplished. omgosh its a red warning: time to get out and go be happy in taka! or sthg. new york is so out of reach right now ><
primers retreat was shyteazz awesome (: solved so many problems, made up with certain people w whom there were past issues. and "genealy" (read huck finn, you non-IBers HAHA jkjk) had crazy fun playing pepsicola (! fifth grade much?) and cycling and tumbling/frisbeeing around on the astro. saw a shooting star: God losing His hair! :D made a wish? i cant rmb. we slept at 3, i do rmb that!
did someone drop her brain on the floor over the weekend? maybe...
