that's 5 years of blogger, changing times indeed

it's nice knowing there's a diary for you somewhere out there,

to rethread memories, undeleted :)

Oh boy. I was telling mumsy abt UHGD from the hospital today and she told me to behave -.- Because... "your most expressive features are your eyes. You can't keep a poker face because your eyes react faster than your mouth, and when they say windows to your soul, your eyes are more like the windows to EVERYTHING in you." HAHA now that really makes me wanna stand in front of a mirror and practise all kinds of emotions and see what my eyes 'say' and yes that is so freaking narcissistic and a waste of time so okay no im not going to do it - kapoof thats one whole sentence that makes me sound like a retard :D but it's not the first time I've heard it.

ANYWAY UHGD OMG. It's like double of 50% of my neighbours. NEYHEH only those who know who lives in 33 know what I'm talking about :P and that would only be my other neighbour. SEKRITZ. Okay shutup jayce :D

BZZZT. It's really sad that two friends are moving away to aussie in the coming month. And one dropped the bomb after telling me for ages that she was still involved in school things (which was true btw), but not as a student *cough JO cough* It's abit hard to get round the fact that the only person I've known for 99% of my life is moving away. Who abandons who in the end?!?! PFFBT but hey if we all wind up in aussie... that won't be too bad either. AHAHA UTAS we can go hunting for like TASMANIAN DEVILS after school everyday. Okay but that's if local doesn't work out (RAWR) Idk man. Hoho the chances of us being mauled alive by said Devil are bigger than us perishing from sniffing formaldehyde in the mortuaries or something everyday.

Load of things twirling around on my fingertips and all but the BTT book (and test tmw) calls so goodbye x

Pastor malcolm tan: "i cannot promise you that 2010 will be a year without troubles, but i can promise you one thing. 2010 is two-oh-one-oh AD, Anno Domini. The year of our Lord. And because of that, i can promise each and everyone of you that Jesus is with you throughout the year, because the year belongs to Jesus, and He will see you through."

any plans i might've made for the next few days have ground to a momentarily standstill. the spacey bubble of thoughts that has formed explosively over the past few days now hangs as an immobile orb - nothing's really happening or moving too satisfactorily until 6 jan noon is over. well, its great comfort that tomorrow evening finds many of us back in school, on the rooftop amidst the cool breezes only to be found at that kind of height. a reprieve from everything, to just... Be still and know :)

cliched, but because beyond all this irrational fear, there is also something else called Hope. not just for tomorrow, but for many many other things. tomorrow i'll face up to what i've been avoiding consciously for a long long long while; just surrender it all

psychologically unleashed/physically uncontrolled is what i would probably call it at the end of the day. the memories are there, and here to stay. in the aftermath of occasions like these, being lost in the dreamy glittery world of sleep and sweet dreams becomes so much more appealing than being actually awake (and the truth is, i seldom or never get nightmares). the moment when you wake up is the part i dislike the most, when everything in your dream begins to slip away and you start, realizing where you are, what time it is, what you have to deal with. at first (which isnt long ago, truth be told), i fully intended to just let time and tide take things along to wherever - simply because thats the easier way out than worrying, waiting and wondering. of course, this was also a first reaction to the disconcerting revelations and recounts. and while trying to get over and accept the haunting memories, there also are the immense waves of gratitude. to Him for helping me make decisions that would have perhaps yielded very different consequences if chosen differently. to them all for their incredible sense of responsibility that played a huge part in having us all home safely. and in those first moments etched with intense fear, panic and confusion, there followed almost immediately the internal relief and realization of the presence of a friend whom i knew i could trust fully, and to the very end - for the second time, i owe a hell lot. and finally, to samtheman who listened, admonished, sat by for the comforts of hainanese chicken rice and some good girl laughs, helped me make an important call, who was there in the aftermath.

so for now, the next couple days or so will have to include some form of reflection, to begin to move past the initial embarrassment, to make reconciliations with... well, not people, but so many things in my head. to ease my way through the complications of consequences, and hopefully come out somewhere realizing that just perhaps im thinking too much. after all, the past 60 hours have had every single well-oiled cog in my head wheeling, and churning

but the question at the end of the day (and which i think is applicable to us all) is: do you want the year to happen to you/do you want to be the crab in the waves on shore that lets the tide take it wherever it runs? or do you want to make something (good/splendid/mindblowingly explosively wonderful) happen in this year instead? ... um, the barnacle that clings tightly onto the rock and doesn't let go until it decides to move elsewhere?

anyway, shove it all, and say hi to two thousand ten (:

there is a pile of very tempting gifts staying fully wrapped sitting on my bedroom floor. will resist the urge until sat, hohoho. Christmas gift exchange next week? maybe. Father Christmas, all I want is... :)

anyway, this japanese 3-year-old child redefines the word adorable/"kawaii" as they call it

12 Dec

19 Dec

25 Dec (favourite day of the year)

1 Jan 2010

6 Jan (why is this significant? i choose not to remember)

i still miss europe. i miss the cold wintry air stinging your cheeks in the morning, when you're fresh out from a heated room but not really fully dressed (in the layers of clothes, i mean :P). the lack of humidity. the good smells of cuisine wafting down cobblestone lanes lined with alfresco cafes on both sides. the christmas market at champs-elysees, hot steaming wine and chestnuts too hot to eat but nice in your hands. the charms of meeting up with your closest in these foreign lands, in their wintry climates and with the pervading aura of the yuletide season. the wide expanses of blue sky to stare at in the day, the dark expanses at night dotted with the few stars to be seen in such brightly lit cities. the ancient buildings, the years of history milling around you making you feel small in comparison but utterly glad to have the chance to learn more of this history.

wouldn't mind going more globetrekking one day, on student budgets or something perhaps. i'd love the exotic countries - santorini (greece), mexico, the latin american states (perhaps not brazil - dangerous lol). or the deeply cultural ones... and on. sometimes i think i don't really belong to any one country cos i love travelling that much

anyway, it really gets to you how fast things move. one day everyone is scribbling furiously on exam scripts; the next, people are applying for this-and-that university (some are actually successful already) D: and some are already making plans to move away to the uni of their choice. some are speeding down highways, fresh from driving tests (MY BTT BOOK SITS COLLECTING DUST). and by the side, neighbors planning to migrate in a matter of months (*sniff* tiffany)

oh well, life and a new take on it in seven more days! (:

(spare me the raised eyebrow looks

but im sure you share teh sentiments)

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today is 11 november.

friday is 13 november

ooooooooooooooooo

knvmbye! (OMG)