one chem test - and the only one i've ever failed since high school. and that one chem test, it was all it took to convince me - no more emo, no more worrying. for the first time in ages, last night i did QT, just surrendered everything, all my cares all my worries to God :) and have never felt so much better in such a long time.
going around school, ponning classes just to laugh and talk about rubbish w friends, enjoying breezes blowing across the wind tunnels in school :) therapeutic for as long as shopping is out of reach haha. i'm not scared of rumors, i'm not scared of rebounds. my conscience's clear (feeling nothing), its okay to do (almost) anything i want.
can't expect myself to make a decision to snap two years of __ in a few days. the hurts from it will take time, but then again it hasn't really affected me for quite a long time. right now what hurts most is still the pause of a great friendship :/ thinking back it was stupid to try to play the ignore game, cause it only wound up hurting both parties.
but there's nothing i regret more than that; i don't even regret opening my mouth back then 2 july. because things would have wound up coming out into the open anyway, the way they were. but what i did - my reaction: that was my biggest mistake. wish i could take it back but i can't. so all there is to do now - let God and time take over. and patience
by going back to normal, by smiling and saying hi like usual. by even perhaps, saying "hi how are you my name is ___ and you are?" (starting over) - funny thoughts, though. whatever it is, after all this space and emptiness, i just know there'll be something again :) to work from, laugh and be really truly happy once more.
and then maybe i can stop the trend of failing grades? iop in term 4 FUBAR. ee/tok? asdfgjkl. not going online anymore :/ (trying)
shout-outs:
erzi/ming - saw the blogpost dear! :) thanks for talking to me the other time, again, really. it helped a lot and shortly after i solved most of my problem. haha. MEET UP SOON STUPID! :)
cliff - hellohello :) just saw you prancing around the corridor a short while ago lol
