today at 0830 i finally got a hint of how badly i did for chemistry, and well. it wasn't how the big v felt that really got me down, i think. it was me thinking how mom would probably be really disappointed with me (for me, disappointment owns anger's ass anytime). how i'm really disappointed with myself too, how shocked friends like kim and amanda were when they heard about it. 

but well most of all i feel like i really let God down because we're always supposed to do the best we can for Him, to His glory... but i'd be lying if i said i did. because i know i wasn't. the night before chemistry i distinctly remember freaking out after a killer headache; was feeling so crappy i couldn't study for 3 hours plus. and distracted myself - at 11 PM i was barely done with kinetics :/

easy to say going to australia left me in the happy-holiday mood so i didn't study well after. but i know thats not true either, there's so much more i could have done anyways ): i guess that explains what happened to me in school today, twice. just suddenly stopped not thinking and boom once, boom twice. but what's the point of saying "could have"?

got home (at 7 PM following an extremely lengthy comm*** practice) and sat down w God after a refreshing hot shower. read the conviction from yesterday over again - "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness"... and somewhere in my QT scribblings - "do not be complacent, for anything could happen. but seek God always, TRUST in Him"

that really came to me, felt so thankful. and read Luke 12:1-34, ending in that wonderful phrase at verse 34 that says "for where your treasure is there your heart will be also". earlier on - "treasure" being the place we have with our dear Lord in Heaven. i think that really helped me find some equilibrium - some sense of knowing where and what i should (have and) be focusing on

had a good long talk with zhuo'er, between mrs lui's talk and command practice - how she found God's strength through failure, and reminded me again of something i read recently... reminding us of how success makes us proud sometimes, and so God gives us failure not to break us but to make us humble and stronger so yeah. i think what i know what to do now, what i should be :)

and well thanks to zoey for talking and telling me all those jokes to cheer me up, nat for all her "it's gonna be okay, everything's fine, trust in God kay!", mari and beu for the hugs and comfort so typical of us 5.14 girls, and talking on the toilet floor as well LOL :) toh the 'silent' one hanging around and then being all jokey-witty as usual, russ repeating himself with a million "dunno if you'll appreciate this, but exams aren't everything", karlo for being karlo, luke and ben sim reminding me of God's purpose for us in life, TL for being nicer than his usual "you bitch" -.-

natalie and i are SO GOING TO MUG TOGETHER DURING THE HOLIDAYS. FOR EVERYTHING, SWEAR :) like many many nighttime hardcore stardee dates after i finish my murderous 10 hour sessions at temasek ugh!

hi concentration camp, boot camp, Nazi camp, here i come :)

song that came to me during QT - You are my All in all:

You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek

You are my All in all

Seeking you as a precious jewel

Lord, to give up I'd be a fool

You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame

Rising up again I bless Your name

You are my all in all

When I fall down You pick me up

When I am dry You fill my cup

You are my All in all

Jesus, Lamb of God

Worthy is Your name (x2)